I have 11 posts started and 0 finished since my last post in August. Lets see if this post makes it... I've gone through this strange phase of transition. I'm not struggling with the PTSD and depression like I was for so long. It is no longer disabling. I've been off ALL meds for months and feel that I made the right choice in doing so. With that said, I struggle. I am more emotional than I thought I would be. I get choked up at things I don't think I should. But then, I'll have moments when I'm really emotional and I KNOW it is for a reason.
Recently I was at a conference and women were asked to stand if they'd ever had a loss. Tears were streaming down my face as I, and probably 1/3 of the women in the arena, stood. I was caught off guard and those tears were justified. I still mourn the loss of the baby I'll never know.
This month came in with a boom. Gregory's birthday at the end of October was a little challenging. I had to force myself to be present. Today is a reminder that 2 years ago I was having emergency surgery and was very sick for a long time.
I struggle with the fact that I STILL STRUGGLE. I am 2 years out. This should be behind me. But its not. I think of what happened every. single. day. I'm tired. I want it to go away. I don't want to remember any more.
Today was a challenge. At the moment I feel more tired than I have in a very very long time. My body feels heavy...