Tuesday, June 26, 2012


We are very quickly approaching my blogaversary. This blog was started on July 3, 2011. It was the day I decided that I would write a book. And I gave myself 1 year to do it. Looking back I think I must have been a crazy person. Maybe it was all the medication I was taking to keep the Postpartum PTSD and PPD at bay - or maybe, just maybe, it was a mom who was struggling like mad to make it through each day trying to cling onto anything for hope. I think it is the latter and maybe just a tad bit of crazy, too. 
My 1 year deadline has come and gone (I was giving myself until THIS JUNE, as in the month that is almost over, to be done). I have made progress, written and rewritten multiple chapters. I have not lost sight of my goal. 
I AM going to write this book and do my darndest to get it published (self publishing, anyone?!) to help those moms out there who need it. I realized part way through this year that I really couldn't give myself such a strict timeline. Looking back, I think I gave myself a year because I was determined that I would be well and just looking back into the past to write this book. That meant that I would be all better by at least November, right??!
At the time a year felt like an eternity. Obviously I could get myself on track, find a new psychiatrist to listen to me, look for a job, work on my relationship with Gregory, keep my relationship with Jason, AND write a book in my free time. All in less than a year. Because, of course, at the year mark my book would be totally done and ready for editing by a professional! 
I've learned a lot this past year. One, that to write a book about how it gets better I needed to experience the better. I could not write a book and end it with "So here's to hoping this shit eventually evens out!". Nope, I must end with the positive; with a look at how far I've come. Yes, it can and will keep getting better, but things are good now. If I'd written a book and finished in January or February of this year it would have been a very depressing book to read. No uplifting chapters to be found. 
Two, I learned that I have ceilings to what I can take on. Its an adjustment to work full time, take time for myself, make time for Gregory and Jason and friends... and writing and blogging... I have a limit to what I can accomplish in 24 hours. 
Three, I learned that my story is valuable. Before I wanted to help my self. My family. Maybe another mom. But I know my story is valuable and that moms will take something away from it. I am finally at a place where I can talk about what happened without cringing or tearing up or feeling down. I know that being in a place where I can talk openly will only be of service as I continue the writing process. 

I can't believe its been almost a year. So much has changed. So much has yet to come. 

Here's to another year of learning To Breathe Again and to awesome book writing :) 

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