I am so close to "better" it's not even funny. I'm finally feeling proud that I put in all of the work that I did to get to this point. It sucked. It was hard. But I did it with the support of family and friends, medication and a wonderful therapist who I may owe my current happiness to. Yes, she helped point me in the right direction and let me cry and swear in her office for hours on end. She provided me a sliding scale when finances were an issue and met with me with my family when we thought it would be beneficial. She was a huge part of my success. But it is just that. Mine.
So many women are afraid to reach out for help but I tell you what - I reached out from day 1 knowing that if I didn't I would only be postponing my healing process. It's ok to ask for help on day 1. It's ok if you need to go at your own pace. It's ok to wait to ask for help, but the sooner you ask, the sooner you shall receive. I know of many moms who joined a support group (HOLLA to my friends from group!!!!) and got the support they needed just a few times a month. I know many others who need the guidance of a therapist, others still who needed medication management through a psychiatrist who specializes in Postpartum Mood Disorders. And some of us needed all of the above PLUS all the good books out there on PMD. I was the last of those categories and guess what, thats ok too.
It's ok to say that you want to stop breastfeeding so you can take better care of yourself. It's ok to say that breastfeeding is the only way you are staying sane and it is something you cannot do without. It's ok to say medication is something that you need to lean on for a while - its also ok to say that medication isn't for you and to try other methods of healing. Any or all of the paths to healing are ok as long as you choose a path. You deserve it and your kiddos and family deserve it. Choosing a path to healing is hard. It may change multiple times. You're allowed to change your mind! Nothing is set in stone. The work a momma must go through to get better can be heartbreaking as I'm sure it is for others to watch you go through. But all momma's with a Postpatum Mood Disorder must walk her own path to a successful healing. Find your path - You can do this!