Thursday, May 10, 2012

Didja miss me?

It's been a long time. Far too long. I apologize. Things have been good, for the most part, which I think has left me feeling like I want to write every night before I hit the sack but then I think that things are going pretty ok and gosh I'm so tired and I'll definitely post tomorrow. Which got me into a vicious cycle because as you very well can see, I didn't "post tomorrow"
So here we are. Today I feel compelled to write because well Time Magazine pissed me off. The cover story "Are you mom enough?" made me want to scream. I did, in my head - because I was at work when I saw the title and didn't want to cause alarm to those nearby but SERIOUSLY? Moms are already competitive, moms are already worried what other moms are thinking of them, what family is thinking of them, hell they are worried what perfect strangers are thinking of them! To go and slap a title like that onto your cover story is asking for trouble. The story itself has nothing to do with anything. Breastfeed, don't breastfeed; breastfeed your three year old, wean your one year old. WHO THE HELL CARES?! But to ask the question "Are you mom enough?" with a picture of a mom breastfeeding her three year old implies that those of us who don't are "less than".
And good lord, don't even get me started on those of us who had the nerve to formula feed because we couldn't otherwise feed our infant. Without reading this story, which I have not and don't plan to, Time has singlehandedly implied that moms who aren't attachment parenting, extended breastfeeding, baby wearers are just not "enough". And that I find sick and wrong. There is so much judgement - why add fuel to an already raging fire? So many moms, formula feeding and breastfeeding alike, are pro breastfeeding. Those of us unable to breastfeed get the glares, those who do also get glares for different reasons. I have zero issue with what I'm assuming the article is about - breastfeeding and its health benefits. Babywearing and its benefits - overactive helicopter parenting (and its benefits??), etc, etc. But I'll never know because they drove me away with a single question meant to draw attention and readers. "Are you mom enough"?
I say any woman who birthed a child, didn't birth a child, breastfed, bottle fed, changed diapers, fought for their family, raised happy kids, tried their darndest despite what society had to say of them - well that would make them a good mom and yes, MOM ENOUGH. I have yet to meet a mom who takes the job lightly and goes about it half assed.
As a mom who could have died getting my kid here, who bottle fed, who fought PPD and PTSD for well over a year (and counting?), who cried out of fear of not being enough of what my baby needed - I'd just like to say "shame on you Time". You've made the gap in parenting styles even larger by daring to ask if moms are enough. You've cast doubt into the minds of moms already struggling with PPD or another Postpartum Mood Disorder and you've likely encouraged moms out of their comfort zone thinking that they "should be" doing what some magazine implies is necessary to be a freaking good mom. I'm sure timing for release just before Mothers Day was no accident. What a way to say "You're a great mom and Happy Mothers Day- and yes we are judging you!".
Ok, I think you get my point. I'm not pleased. I'm sure there are moms on both sides - those pleased to see an article supporting extended breastfeeding and the moms who are offended by the question on the cover. I would like to end on this note: Moms - you are enough. Those struggling, as I know so many of my readers are, you are more than enough. You're trying, your getting through the day, you're making it. You are doing it. We all have our own styles and how you chose to raise your family is just that: a choice. But choosing one method over another doesn't make you more than or less than any other mom. We are all moms just hoping to do the best we can in raising our kiddos (and causing as little emotional damage as possible along the way!).
Have a wonderful night and if I don't post again before Sunday, have a wonderful Mothers Day!

3 comments:

  1. I couldn't have said it better myself! I was outraged!! There are a million ways to raise a kid and only a few way's to do it wrong. They made us feel like it was the other way around.

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  2. On the flip side, as an "attachment" parent, I find the oppose to be my reality. Moms, in recent history, were stripped of their anthropological intuition and were told, "you can't do this....or that because is it weird/ contrary to the social norm." I get judged as an attachment parenting advocate by my family and close friends. Sadly, being a mom seem to be controversial no matter how one chooses to parent. I found the cover of Time to be offensive in the name of attachment parenting because they had to pick an extreme example in an unnatural pose. I not read the article either because I don't want to read the judgement of those who choose to parent that way. Funny, no?

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    1. Made myself laugh......I *will* not read.....

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