I was more than depressed when the 12 month mark came and went with me still in the dark place that PPD and PPPTSD was holding me hostage, but I'm now thiscose to being done with the whole bit. My medication is practically nonexistent and Gregory and I are doing really well. Of course I have the normal momma freak outs from time to time but I'm pretty sure I've hit the "this is how a normal mom feels when she is stressed/tired/worn out" phase. Did you catch that in one sentence I wrote the word normal TWICE?! Awesome!
Last year I had a thought - I wanted to end my story at 12 months postpartum. Maybe it was because I figured 12 months was enough for my story or maybe it was out of desperation to have my story end at 12 months. Whatever it was, 12 months wasn't enough. I want to write a book that is full of honesty. A book that is real and hard to the core, but that is also uplifting and that can be a light at the end of the long tunnel that PPD/PPPTSD is.
This book is like another baby to me. I want to make it right. This book needs and deserves my time and attention so that the individuals that read it will get something useful out of it. Even if it only helps a few people, it matters to me that it is done right.
So, that being said, at 12 months, when I wasn't better, I sort of put the project on hold indefinitely. I didn't want to write a story that ended with "and a year later life still sucked". I want to write a story that ends with "and you can win this war too!".
Is it depressing to hear that it may take 18 months to get better when you've heard and read from so many that it will take 6 months, 12 months MAX? Yes. Is it the truth? YES!! Of course I don't want to make anyone feel worse about how long recovery might take. But I do want moms to be prepared for the long haul and hopefully it will take them a much shorter amount of time to heal than it did me. I also want moms to know that if at 15 months PP they are still feeling like, well, shit, that things can and will get better. With the right team and support people, things get better.
I'm excited to be at this point because now I know when my Postpartum story, ends. To Breathe Again will be a book about one mom's journey through PPD and PPPTSD from birth through 18 months Postpartum. I'm so happy that this journey has all but ended for me.
Also, a quick reminder that May is quickly coming to a close, as is my 20% donation to Postpartum Support International of Washington. Please check out the Stella and Dot website and place orders so that I can make the most of my donation to PSI of Washington.
If you have any questions about PSI of Washington please feel free to email me! Thanks in advance for your support!