I promised an update so here goes: I have a new job. I start on Monday. I'm freaking out.
I think this job is going to be totally different and I am hoping that I'm right :) I'll be working in a large group of 10-12 so I won't be alone. Progress. I'll have peers and people I can connect with. Progress. It's a contract with a start and end date so even if things aren't going well I know there is an end. Progress. I'll get to sleep an extra 45 minutes. Progress. Awesome interviewers and nice people. Progress.
I know that all signs point to this being a much better situation but I can't help but think about how much my confidence has been broken by the last position I had. I'm freaking out a little (ok a lot) because I'm playing the "what if" game that I am just so good at. What if I end up hating it? What if everyone hates me? What if the pace is too fast? What if I suck at the job and they fire me? What if the hours don't work out for my family? What about my Stella and Dot business? What if I have to give that up? What if, what if, what if.
I suppose the best question to ask is "What if I love it?" I'm working on it.