Its been 16 months and I still feel broken. Not whole. Not me. This makes me sad because its been 16 months and I'm not me yet. And I might not ever be the old me again. I'm not sure how to process that. I really truly thought that by this point I'd be "me" again. I still have pain and am still doing PT to help with that. I still have flashbacks and thoughts of the hospital and the pain I felt when I was so sick. I still feel broken and how do you move past that to be whole again?
I believe that this is part of the reason the last job was so horrible. Yes, the job was unreasonable, but if I'd been my old self I believe I would have been able to struggle through and make it work. I've done it before. Or at least the old me did.
I didn't make a choice to be different than the old me. It was forced upon me at the hands of someone else and although getting back to the old me is in my hands, I am really struggling to get back to who I was.