I was so kindly reminded that today is the anniversary of Prince William and Kate's engagement. I was in the hospital but seriously, for some reason, this engagement is what kept me going those last couple days. I watched news segment after news segment on the ring, the possible dress, the first interview. You name the show, I watched it. It was the best and only real distraction I had.
And today I'm reminded that tomorrow is the day, one year ago, that I was released from the hospital; watching the last episode of "Oprah's Favorite things" and crying to my doctor that I'd never have anymore children and her saying it was too soon to say that. I think I know myself pretty well and I'd say the same thing to her a year later.
It was a year ago that we all asked and wondered how I could eat enough to sustain myself as all I could really eat was pudding, hence the 84 pound weight loss.
It was a year ago that I was freaking out about coming home. Tonight I'm freaking out about being home alone with my 1 year old on Friday. Things have changed - mostly for the better, but I still struggle with anxiety, depression, memories, flashbacks... It still sucks and it is still hard. The physical is much better. The emotional is slowly coming along.
A year out and I still struggle, but a year out and I'm alive. I have to keep remembering that I made it through a rough first year. I'm alive and that counts.