Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thankful

This year I'm thankful that I'm here.
It's been a hard few days for me. I've felt really down and I finally pinpointed why. I'm alone. 2 days a week I'm alone - by myself and bored. 2 days a week I have a toddler running nonstop, which is exhausting and 1 day a week I have awesome help from mom #2 (Alisa).
That means 4 out of 7 days my only real contact is with A) a toddler B) a therapist or C) a random mom I might see at a playtime who says a quick hi and moves on.
Every other week I get adult time at my support group but since its so far from where I live I'm not sure how much longer the weather will allow me to go. Plus, I realized that I've been living outside my budget for a while and I really need to cut back so the gas to get there is an issue.
I know the answer is a job. Adult interaction, challenging work, pride in what I'm doing and finding self-worth again. The crap part is that jobs are scarce.
But going back to what I'm thankful for - I'm here. Its been a rough year and I'm here. Last Thanksgiving I cried a lot; this year not a single tear. Last year I had no appetite; this year I made stuffing and rolls and ate a full plate (not helping the diet bit but oh well!).
Last year I didn't want to be "here". This year I do.

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