Thursday, November 10, 2011

Oh how I am not looking forward to today

Please send me good vibes today. I have 3 appointments - all difficult in their own way. I'm still working on myofascial release which is a pain. Literal pain. Although liking the person causing the pain, and getting through the session with laughter that causes snorting, does help. Myofascial release is hard because she is literally touching my scars. It's raw physical pain and emotional pain. It hurts like hell and reminds me of what happened. Thank God I can laugh because if someone was doing this who didn't make me laugh I probably wouldn't go back.
Then I'm on to regular good old therapy where I usually cry at least half the time, sometimes the full hour. But I will say it's a good release for me. Letting it all out. It is one of two places where I can say what I really need to say without anyone freaking out. That is helpful, but the process is emotionally difficult.
And last, I meet with a surgeon to see about fixing my scars. The last one I went to was, and I'll borrow this term, an asshat. He seriously had zero bedside manner and I had a panic attack after my appointment. I'm really REALLY needing this appointment to go better. Even if he doesn't say what I want him to say, I need good hopes, vibes, and prayers that he'll be a decent doctor and that he'll be kind to me.
I'm ok with people saying no. I'm ok with people disagreeing with me. I'm not ok with people telling me that what I have is no big thing because to me it is a huge part of every single day. A huge part I need gone.
(P.S. Spellcheck does not approve of "asshat" being one word. Oh well. Today it is!!)


  1. It's a little late, but I'm wishing you good things for today! How was everything? I hope the three appointments went well and that you are not exhausted emotionally and physically!