Lesson #1- Sometimes I lie. It wasn't on purpose, I promise. I know I'd promised an awesome post yesterday, but as some days do, the day got away from me. But I wanted to expand even more on the PPD and ruining my kid thoughts because I've heard SO many mom's, and a few dads, say they are really worried that PPD or another Postpartum Mood Disorder is going to ruin their child for life.
Personally, me seeing Gregory happy while he is around me is one piece of the puzzle - if he knew that I was feeling bad, he probably wouldn't be quite as excited about life. But he is.
Yesterday I met with my therapist and brought the kid with me. He was totally at ease and acting like an almost 1 year old should. The amazing therapist that I have explained to me that if I'd affected him he wouldn't be so comfortable moving around in an unfamiliar place; he would be clingy, he probably wouldn't sleep as awesome as he does. You get the point.
Basically, it was further reassurance that I'm not a horrible parent. He comes to me when he isn't sure, he checks in with me to make sure what he's doing is OK (at least he does OUTSIDE our home. Inside is anyone's guess what he'll attempt to destroy). He went right up to someone he's met once, maybe twice but about 8 or 9 months ago so he had no recollection of this person. He smiled and played comfortably in an unfamiliar place.
Now, don't get me wrong - if your 11 month old isn't fond of strangers, doesn't sleep super awesome or is clingy it doesn't mean that you're not a good parent - it means you have a kiddo with that type of personality. Gregory is very independent. He doesn't like to cuddle or be rocked to sleep. He likes to take his bottle and hit the sack. No rocking allowed.
Another thing I felt good about was the reassurance in how we give him his bottle. He only gets it when being held. Yesterday during my appointment I picked him up to give him his bottle since I knew that's what he was looking for and got positive reinforcement back that it was similar to breastfeeding because we only hold him for his bottle; we don't hand it to him and have him take off with it and play/eat at the same time. That really made me feel good since I've struggled so much with the inability to breastfeed this awesome kid.
Yes, I worry about the IQ points I've taken from him but then I remember that there are people out there who were never breastfed, never given the love from the start that G has gotten and these people go on to be amazing, smart, awesome people. So my next goal (after fixing the meds and am feeling good again) is to let go of the negative breastfeeding thoughts that take over my mind.
And since you read this whole thing, and I promised awesomeness, here is a picture for you: