This is way overdue. Sorry... also, if you see words that have no place in this post and/or a sentence doesn't make any sense at all, I apologize. It's the drugs (legal only!). I wasn't really like this until about 3 months ago when I got all amped up on everything.
As I mentioned before, last week I met with a new psychiatrist in hopes of a good fit. I spent 2 hours, yes 2 full hours, telling her my story, explaining what I want, what I like and what I don't about the meds I'm currently on (hint: the "like" list is short) and she seems to think she can fulfill most of my wishes.
I really liked the fact that she didn't try to "fix it" in that one session. In fact - she fixed nothing. She asked me to reschedule and let her think for a week. This thinking would involve coming up with several different plans that we could attempt as well as, and this is my favorite part, speaking with my therapist.
In all my years the psychiatrist I've worked with, off and on up to now, has not ONCE asked to speak with any sort of therapist or anyone else that I may be seeing outside of his office. He doesn't therapize or seem to care if that is a part of my treatment plan. He writes scripts, you fill them, then you let him know how its going in 10 seconds or less, according to his pager!
I LOVE that this woman, who I'd describe as a grandma type, hippie, granola, and YAY! (the last one is more of my expression of happiness than her personality. She was actually quite calm), was interested in what I have to SAY to a very good therapist that I've known now for almost 10 months and wants to bounce her thoughts, plans and ideas off of her as a professional! How awesome is that?! I've NEVER had that happen before. I'm excited because what if my therapist can help by remembering things I forgot to say? She knows me well enough to say "Yeah, we probably shouldn't take the super aggressive approach here". I'm happy. I'm excited. I have hope again. I hope this is the one.
However, telling my story for an hour and a half to a stranger brings up everything I try to shove down most days. I cried. A lot. You want to know what crying for that long does? I had a massive headache for 2 days. I attempted the Advil plan (that would be 9 in one day) and nothing but pain. Every time I blinked, every time I moved my eyes or my neck, basically every time I tried to see or focus on anything, a shooting pain went from my eyeballs, through my brain, down my neck and into my stomach where it made me feel like I was going to vomit. Hey, I never said this process was pretty.
The best part of all of this (sense the sarcasm here people), is that I had Gregory for those 2 days and he was all screamy happy to see me! and screamy happy at breakfast! and at lunch! and screamy un-happy at nap time and screamy un-happy if I even thought about thinking about anyone or anything besides him (you get where I'm going with this? If you're a little slow, that’s ok I'll guide you - he was SCREAMING at me the ENTIRE FREAKING 2 DAYS!!).
Scream Baby didn't help things in the headache arena. But every time I asked him to stop with the screaming, because I had a headache, he screamed louder. This tells me that A. He knew exactly what I'd said B. He is learning way too much from our dog oh yeah and C. He was getting a cold...
But I made it through all of this alive and have another appointment this week with, who I think I'll tag, "the hippie". I mean that in the most awesome and appreciative way I can express. There is no judgment from me. I think she seriously rocks and knows exactly what she is doing. The 70's were good to this woman as far as I can tell :)