Friday, September 16, 2011

I'm taking a leap of faith

Well, I'm taking lots of leaps of faiths lately, and as I remember to trust myself more and question my instincts less there are more chances and leaps being taken. There are so many changes going on right now; some I can talk about and some I can't - yet. Mostly because I am superstitious and if I talk too much I'm worried the things that I want or am hoping for won't happen.
I can tell you one LEAP of faith (in caps because it was one big leap) I signed up for the BlogHer11 writers conference in NYC in October. I got a hotel room, found a reasonably priced flight and well, here we are. I'll also tell you this: I'm choosing THIS TIME IN MY LIFE to take my first "big" trip, alone. Yup, this is my first time flying alone, my first time staying in a hotel for multiple nights alone, my first conference (I'm such an adult it scares me sometimes). I think the one plus here is that it will be something like my 4th time to NYC. So at least that part won't be freaky and new - although again, I've never gone alone!
I've mentioned before that I'm not a great traveler. I like the idea of traveling and all that but it makes me anxious. I have to have a plan B. My plan B here is simply this: I have to get through what, 2 nights? If I'm totally miserable my Plan B is to take a LOT of extra Klonapin, hole up in a nice hotel room for 2 days and then fly home. I'm happy to say I can't see that happening. I really really REALLY want to go to this conference. Its a huge deal to me. I'll have opportunities here that I can't get at other writing conferences. Its going to rock. I'm sure. And besides, maybe plan B is to load up on Klonapin and get my ass down to the conference. Plan C will be to hole up in the room for 2 days. :) See, 2 back ups. That's pretty good.
Things are just changing so fast and I want so many things to work out but I feel like I'm holding my breath because if I breathe everything will fall apart.
My first PT appointment (other than the consult) was good. They did craniosacral something-or-other on me and she said that I was only breathing at like 40% and that mostly I was breathing with my upper body. I held my tongue and did NOT say "Duh, lady", (I mean we'd just met, I didn't want to be rude.) which gave her the chance to explain that I don't breathe, with my chest/diaphragm. I'm working on that - using a book to make sure my ribcage goes up and down like it's supposed to.
She also said I'm not oxygenating properly which is why my scar tissue is so massive. I don't heal correctly because I'm not oxygenating. Maybe that should be the title to my book - "To Oxygenate Again".
She said that in each person cerebral fluid should pass through your body 14-16 times every minute. I, evidently, failed. My cerebral fluid goes through my body 4-6 times a minute, not 14/16. I just kept thinking - if only that was my problem with pants - I'm too little. But alas, I'm not.
She also asked about my birth (as in when I was born) and I told her it wasn't a pretty event. Evidently because of that I've most likely never processed cerebral fluid or oxygenated properly (again, my birth was not pretty - my head was colors that no babies' head should be i.e. blue, and there was CPR involved. Its why I suck at math and I think that math should be waived whenever "required" for me. Just a suggestion.).
Anyway, so she's all stoked to get me oxygenating and cerebral-ing correctly. This, I should mention, is the assistant, not the PT who likes to make you hurt. She is the fun one who makes you relax. I've only had one appointment with her but I love her already.
Plus, she seems to think she can really help my pain. I took her challenge because I want it gone.
I have to go to SO many appointments though which A) cost $20 each and B) take 40-60 minutes per appointment (this is both PT and the craniosacral stuff). She wants to see me 2-3 days a week. This should get interesting. If she wasn't so awesome I'd be all "Hey crazy lady I'm broke and have an 11 month old!!" but she is awesome so I'll figure it out somehow. Maybe I can spill hot coffee on myself and then sue. Kidding. Maybe.
So there you go. That was my Thursday and Friday. It's OK to be jealous.

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