Sunday, September 11, 2011

9/11

9/11 is a really hard day for me. It always has been. I'm one of the people who looks at the clock every day (twice a day) as it hits 9:11 (How I manage to look at the clock every day at that exact time is beyond me...) and I remember. I remember fear.
My sister was in NY at the time and I was afraid for her. I was in Seattle - one of the places considered to be at risk for whatever was to be. It was scary. I remember seeing no planes in the sky - now, almost every time I see a plane, I kid you not, I remember. I remember not seeing planes.
I also remember not flying to my sister's graduation the following June because I was too scared to get on a plane.
Some people call that a form of PTSD. I don't know what it is. I know it affects me every single day. It doesn't make me cry or have anything near the symptoms as to what I KNOW is PTSD that I'm dealing with now - but I remember. Every single day. Some days it makes me feel anxious, some days I just pause. I don't think it's PTSD - I think its just a memory of an event that was life changing for every single person in the United States.
But maybe I should be remembering every day. Too many lives were lost. Maybe remembering every single day isn't bad because those lives deserve to be remembered. And every year on 9/11, when I remember fear and I FEEL the fear, I guess I could say its a good reminder that the lives of those closest to me were spared.
I will never forget.

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