Tuesday, August 30, 2011

It's been one of those days

This was one of the days where I have to remind myself to breathe because I find myself holding my breath out of anxiety and a pure wanting to jump out of my skin. I haven't been myself the last couple of weeks and I haven't yet figure out why, other than lack of sleep, so days when I'm alone with Gregory for 11 hours are hard.
Today I wasn't the amazing mom that I picture in my head, if she even exists. But I made sure Gregory had breakfast and lunch, naps and play time. We learned that outlets and fireplaces are not play toys and in that sense I kept him safe. He was busy and although Sesame Street was on for an hour, books were also involved in the day. I took a shower and G took a bath. We both had on clean clothes - not something that happens on all of my hard days.
I kept him safe, fed, clothed and even clean. But at the end of the day I'm disappointed in myself for not interacting more - for not doing MORE. He deserves more. But I did the best that I could today. And if that means a well fed, clean, happy (for the most part) kid, then I guess its a success.
I just wish I felt better about it. I guess that comes in time.

7 comments:

  1. My only child just turned 5. I still consider it a major triumph when we're all fed, dressed, and have a toyless path cleaned through the house! I also still feel disappointed in myself for not spending enough time with him (even though I work from home and homeschool), but I have to constantly remind myself that, because I love him so much, I'll never feel like I have enough time with him! Perhaps that's just part of the mothering bargain. If we ever got to the point where we thought, "Hey, I've spent enough time with him today. All done!" we'd stop being the great mothers we forget we are.

    P.S. Wonderful that you're doing a blog like this!

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  2. You did your best, and that is all that can be asked for. Some days we just do not have it in us, and that's ok. You cared for him, you loved him, you played, you did all that. He is healthy and happy, and that is most important.

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  3. So very much love to you. I GET IT.

    LOVE.

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  4. Those days are so hard. But it's okay to not be perfect every day or even every hour.

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  5. I'm thinking of you Kerissa. I hope you find solace and comfort in writing and in anything that will help you through this time.
    All you can do is your best and that's all that anyone could ask for including not being so hard on yourself.
    Sending you big hugs.

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  6. Oh yes I know these days. And I think you did just great. From one anxiety mama to another - hugs.

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  7. Been there girl, just breathe.

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