This was one of the days where I have to remind myself to breathe because I find myself holding my breath out of anxiety and a pure wanting to jump out of my skin. I haven't been myself the last couple of weeks and I haven't yet figure out why, other than lack of sleep, so days when I'm alone with Gregory for 11 hours are hard.
Today I wasn't the amazing mom that I picture in my head, if she even exists. But I made sure Gregory had breakfast and lunch, naps and play time. We learned that outlets and fireplaces are not play toys and in that sense I kept him safe. He was busy and although Sesame Street was on for an hour, books were also involved in the day. I took a shower and G took a bath. We both had on clean clothes - not something that happens on all of my hard days.
I kept him safe, fed, clothed and even clean. But at the end of the day I'm disappointed in myself for not interacting more - for not doing MORE. He deserves more. But I did the best that I could today. And if that means a well fed, clean, happy (for the most part) kid, then I guess its a success.
I just wish I felt better about it. I guess that comes in time.