Thursday, August 4, 2011

I'm One in A Million

Please don't judge my story as "So much worse" than anything else you've heard. Don't judge your story as "not that bad compared to what happened to you".
I hear that. A lot. And it makes me sad. Trauma is trauma. Yes, some things are technically or medically more challenging or life threatening than others, however, if you perceived your life to be in immediate danger or the life of your child to be in immediate danger, then it's traumatic. It's traumatic for any parent to see their child very seriously ill (no matter how old that child is. 27 anyone?). It's traumatic for a spouse to think their significant other could die. Of course its not all the same; some stories are more complex than others but that doesn't make them better or worse, it just makes them different.
I work really hard to not speak first when swapping stories with other moms or in a group environment where others haven't heard me speak before for a reason. I don't want others to say what I've heard too many times "Compared to your story mine is stupid. I don't know why I'm here". NO IT IS NOT. It's not stupid! It just isn't! I've heard some stories that make me think that there were many ways my situation could have been much worse. I'll post later on how I now see that I'm lucky (in some ways. OK, to be honest, the whole thing sucked but I know that since it had to happen, it could have been worse.).
My story is hard to tell. Its hard to hear and I know its hard, for the people who were involved, to remember. There were some really bad days. There were days I was very sick, had to have procedures done that no one wanted and one procedure that some doctors actually say "Really? I didn't know that was possible!". Awesome. That doesn't make me feel great- more like perhaps I was a guinea pig and the "Lets try and see what happens" just happened to work. Which is a good thing. If the procedure that gets eyebrow raises hadn't worked, I would have had a third surgery. And as much as we didn't want the procedures (and wished there had been a LOT more sedation and pain medication), we really didn't want a third surgery.
My point to all of this is I know that my true, real, full story is serious and scary and that perhaps it is much more complex than yours. Or maybe yours is more complex than mine. But trauma is trauma. Just because we have different stories means only that we had different experiences.
I also try to mention that what happened to me seems to be rare. My doctor had never had it happen in her practice before. I try to tell people I'm One in a Million. Since it happened to me, it won't happen to you so no worries :) Its like the lottery in that sense. I won so you can't. Sorry :)  That's just the way the world works.

1 comment:

  1. So true, Kerissa. It's all about perspective and that was the most important thing I learned on my journey too. What counts is what you do with your perspective and where it takes you next in life.