Tuesday, July 5, 2011

A quick note

3 posts in one day - I'm on a roll!

Someone sweet, who shall remain nameless, made a point that people reading this blog may confuse my humor with my being OK. Which when I think about it really could confuse a person even more if they think well then why they heck is she writing a book about trauma if she's fine??

I use humor a lot - in weekly therapy (between the tears and snot), during my support group sessions (I'm the clown that makes comments when I feel like everyone in the room needs a laugh before we all fall apart). I use it when processing "new" horrible information I get from my husband about my ordeal that I truly don't remember, but that is heartbreaking to hear. Humor is my safe zone. The humor I use to express feelings about a situation that was in no way humorous, really is a self defense mechanism.

The book I'm writing is emotional. The type of very emotional that is brings-me-to-tears-writing-it-down, kind of emotional. I feel like my blog has to be the opposite or there is no way that I will be able to write this book.

So please, try not to confuse any humor here as me being OK or my having moved past what happened. I'm still very much in the middle of the ocean of PTSD and PPD and swimming as hard and as fast as I can to keep myself above water. I'm making great progress but when you learn where I started, I'm still very broken.

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