Sunday, July 24, 2011

Making progress - only a few moments of PTSD

Today PPD reared its ugly head. Gregory is teething and has an ear infection. A double whammy. He is not happy about either and Advil is our only hope to keep him semi comfortable. I feel bad for the kid but his fussing and crying and pushing me away while trying to give him medicine to HELP him got to me. I looked at Jason, handed him the syringe of antibiotic and said "I cannot do this anymore. Whatever your plans were they are now to get this child through the next hour until bed. I can't do this anymore. I can't. I'm sorry but you'll have to". At which point I took off for the office with no intention to write, since I was not coming from a positive place. But I got there and I did write.
As of this evening, Chapter 1 is finished. When I say finished I mean unedited, not proofed, etc. But still, very exciting for me.
I have a personality kick that can be helpful or harmful. When I get excited or focused on a project all I want to do is that project. Sometimes I lose momentum and decide it's out of reach and quit. Sometimes it works in my favor and I succeed at something I never thought I could do. I'm hoping this book is the latter of the two. Actually, I know it is. I'm extremely enthusiastic about the possibilities of this book. I'm hopeful. I have plans for how I'll make time to get serious writing accomplished.
Tonight was a productive night. Emotional, but productive. I had a few moments of pulling myself out of the black hole of PPPTSD and into reality, but I did it. I didn't stay there. It's progress that I can regain control, bring myself back to the present and breathe. The trouble is that now I'm back to the same old can't sleep issue. My mind is going 1,000 MPH and I am having trouble slowing it down, even with the techniques I've been given to practice.
Tonight I'd like to say thanks to the people who are encouraging me and making feel smart and powerful in a "you can totally write a kick-ass book!" kind of way. And for the people who aren't quite sure about my abilities yet, that's OK. Someday I'll have a book to hand you and together we can say "Hot dang, look at that, a book!". I can say that because although I fully believe in my abilities and that I will do this,  I have times when I am down, question myself and am not quite sure I can pull this off.
I appreciate everyone who has become a follower of the blog and who has "liked' or become a fan of the To Breathe Again facebook page. Every supporter helps as I work the next several months to convince others that this is a topic that needs to be written about and that people would want to read about it.
If you scroll down to the bottom of the blog, you'll now see a pretty number. That's the number of hits to my blog since it's started. I'll soon be adding a second number, unique hits. That's more for my entertainment than yours. I'll leave you with an interesting face that I've had several hits from Germany (6!), China (5!), and 3 each in Hong Kong, Ireland, Japan, Malaysia, Canada and France! I am unable to tell yet, but I'm hoping these are return readers. Hello to all! So happy you have stopped by to read my blog :)
Good Night all!

No comments:

Post a Comment