Saturday, July 23, 2011

It seems I'm still here

I'm still alive, the bells have been slightly lowered, but I have to say, having those "I survived badges" on my blog makes me feel slightly like a traitor. Maybe because I've backslid a little in the past week or so and have been having more anxiety and "you suck" thoughts than I normally do. But I can't help but look at the "I survived YOU CAN TOO!" and think to myself "uh dude? You haven't survived anything yet".
I think that when I posted those, I was in a really positive I've got this so under control type of place. I felt like I had survived and come out the other side. Let me tell you, it's really really hard to look at yourself on a not so good day and realize that it was all just an illusion. Yes, I'll get back to the good place and hopefully soon, but right now I'm more in the "this sucks please make it stop" phase.
Do I remove the survivor badges?

I wish there was a badge for "I survived the c-section from hell" because I seriously earned that badge.

1 comment:

  1. Think of them more as a work in progress. You are surving PPPTSD and you are surviving PPD. You will be on there otherside of this soon. Remember that this illness, by defination, is a onestep forward, two step back kind of thing and before you know it its a 4 step forward 1 step back and then its all forward. It takes time and there's no one way it affects women so it can be frustrating and disheartening but I have made it through this once, I think I may be mostly through it again. I also have survived PTSD, you will make it. I have faith in you.