I just put G down for a nap so I thought I'd write a happy post since the post from earlier wasn't so happy. Last night, for the first time EVER, I went into Gregory's room, picked him up and rocked him. He hadn't been crying, he wasn't needing me, but I felt the urge to just rock him.
My kid doesn't cuddle unless he's sick (and seriously, not something you'd ever wish for just to get a cuddle) or super-duper tired. And even when he's tired he puts his head on your shoulder for a few seconds then pops back up as if to say "oh no, I'm not falling for that trick". But, last night, I picked him up out of his crib and he cuddled right in. So I sat down in the glider and he stayed asleep so I just rocked. And he cuddled. I could tell after a bit he was getting too hot so I put him back down and back to sleep he went. I'm not sure he was ever really awake.
But I wanted to end today with a positive, non PTSD/PPD related post, even though that's the whole reason behind this blog and the book that goes with it. Although, now that I think about it I think it does say a lot about the last 8 months and the PPD that has accompanied my PTSD. A non-PPD mom probably rocks her baby and feels the urge to cuddle before said baby is 8 months+.
We are getting there. Slowly but surely. It's a good marker for me to see that I am making progress. I am getting better however slow it may be.
As Phoebe from Friends would say "Back to happy, BACK TO HAPPY!"