Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Dance

I have always connected with music. I have distinct memories that are attached to certain songs and there are a LOT of them. Any one of them coming on the radio reminds me and instantly takes me back to the situation. 

I didn't listen to a lot of music while I was in the hospital. Probably a good thing so that my favorite songs won't instantly take me back. One that I know will trigger me is by The Band Perry, If I die young. Every time I hear it now I have to pull my car over because I know I'm going to wind up hyperventilating. 

However, on good days, the song that feels the most like my situation is The Dance by Garth Brooks. 
The lyrics "Looking back, on the memory of the, dance we shared, beneath the stars above, for a moment all the world was right, how could I have known... and now I'm glad I didn't know, the way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I'd a had to miss the Dance."

To me, those lyrics mean more than probably what they were written about (a relationship ending). To me they are about if I had known what was going to REALLY happen, I would most likely not have had Gregory. Only a crazy person would sign up for the shit I went through (well am still going through). So I'm glad I didn't know, because when things are good they are good. 

On bad days, I try to pick myself up with the song "Meant to be", by Javier Colon. "I believe what's meant to be is meant to be, and that's just how it goes. I've been searching for what I need but I believe, when i find it I'll know". I'm still struggling with believing in what's meant to be, something I always believed before. But this song reminds me that things are meant to be and that good does come out of the bad. We just have to wait to see it sometimes. 

There are quite a few others that I can relate to my situation but I'll write about those later. I've got a full day ahead of me and a baby just starting to cry. 

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